


....In Fair New York, Where We Lay Our Scene

by CrimesOfADeadpool



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spiderman - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Adopting Superheros, Canon Disabled Character, F/F, Fluff, M/M, Multi, canon transvestite character, deaf!Clint, super family, transvestite!wade
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-19 08:56:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1463347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimesOfADeadpool/pseuds/CrimesOfADeadpool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony and Steve have adopted a cute little boy named Peter.<br/>Phil and Clint have adopted a troublesome mutant named Wade. </p><p>Wade can't help that he's fallen for his childhood friend. Peter can't help that Wade is actually pretty amusing. </p><p>If only their parents saw it that way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I mean, okay, I know about 'Super Family' (Tony + Steve = Peter), and I couldn't help but feel bad for Wade, who has no Super Family of his own. So I thought about it... and I've been reading a bunch of Phlint fics....and... I mean... you can sorta see Wade learning off Clint and everything... and I mean come on it'd be so cute. So this will have (Phil + Clint =Wade). I'm calling it Spy Family for now. Can you imagine Aunty Natasha?!  
> Of course, Wade and Peter are both adopted and everything but ahhh~ I love this idea of mine so much and I need to share it with everyone so...enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter is set after Steve and Tony have adopted Peter. I didn't get a chance to work that in. And in this story Wade will be an actual mutant, instead of a Weapon X creation. That's all for now :)

Fire. Smoke. Loud noises.  
“Heads up!” Tony shouted. A car door flew by Hawkeye’s head.  
“Gee thanks for the warning,” Clint told him.  
“That’s why I’m here,” Tony retorted.  
“Focus guys,” Steve chided.  
“Focussing on what exactly? I can’t see anything. JARVIS?”  
“No heat signatures besides the Avengers registering.”  
“What, are the fires not giving off heat?”  
“My apologies sir, I thought you were looking for something besides the obvious.”  
“Come on JARVIS, you know I live for the obvious.”  
“Once again, my apologies sir.”  
The area was ruined. A few Hydra agents had decided to use the abandoned warehouse as a base, and now a testing ground, clichéd as it was. The area was fairly deserted, and it had cleared out quickly after the explosions went off. The Avengers were basically there for recon.  
Unfortunately, Thor was doing Asgard stuff, and Bruce wasn’t pulled out for the small stuff, so it was just Steve, Clint, Tony and Natasha.  
“So what, we’re thinking remote controlled explosions?” Clint asked.  
“Seems to be,” Tony analysed.  
“Figures that Hydra wouldn’t stay around and witness the destruction they’ve caused.” Steve commented.    
Tony landed gently next to his husband. “I love it when you diss the other guys.”  
Steve gave him a look, and Clint laughed.  
“Hey where’s Nat?” asked Tony.  
Clint nodded towards the building. “Inside.”  
“ _Inside?!”_  
Clint shrugged. “She can handle it.”  
“Oh, I have no doubt,” Tony replied scathingly. “But _I_ won’t be able to handle Pepper if she does someday slip up.” He paused. “That is an idea that haunts my every move.”  
Clint laughed and leant back against his bow. “I’m just as worried something will happen to Pepper and I’ll have to deal with Nat.”  
There was a silence.  
“Yep, yours is definitely more scary,” Tony admitted.  
“Lucky I have my boyfriend to protect me,” Clint teased.  
As if on cue, Coulson’s voice cut through the air, via their headpieces. “If you’re done standing around, you are on a mission.”  
Tony and Clint laughed, but Steve stiffened. “Of course,” he replied.  
“Mama’s boy,” Tony muttered.  
Steve gave him one of his rare looks of good humour. “Then you married a mama’s boy.” He began walking forwards, as Clint unsuccessfully tried to cover his laugh.  
Tony jumped back into the air and flew towards Steve. “Well yeah,” he commented. “Can’t help it that I have a type.”  
Steve gave him another look, this one of a dubious nature, as he paused to pull away a bit of wreckage and throw it away. “Your type is mama’s boys?”  
“No, just boy scouts,” Tony smirked and flew ahead, as Steve rolled his eyes. “JARVIS?”  
“Yes sir?”  
“Scan for any tech that seems, you know, Hydra-y. Anything more complex than a toaster.”  
“Yes sir.” There was a beat. “Just to be clear sir, I’m to avoid scanning the fires, correct?”  
“ _Yes_ JARVIS,” Tony replied in an annoyed tone.  
“Just clarifying sir.”  
“Stupid sassy AI.” Tony muttered.  
“Sorry sir?”  
“Nothing JARVIS.”  
“Good sir.”  
Sometimes Tony wondered if he had given JARVIS _too much_ personality.  
He stopped suddenly and let JARVIS scan closer to one of the fires. The screen flitted with information, but nothing important. He sighed and flew back to where Clint and Steve were doing the old fashioned search-with-your-hands method, which Tony had given up on back in primary school.  
“Anything interesting?” Steve asked, not looking up from his work.  
“Nope. Anything on your end?”  
Clint sighed and dropped a piece of metal, dusting his hands again each other. “Only that this place was way too stocked up on random pieces of metal.”  
“Well, it _was_ partly a junkyard,” Tony commented.  
“ _Behave,_ ” Steve told them, though neither was quite sure which one of them he was referring to. “SHIELD wants us to look into this, so we’re looking into it. Okay?”  
There was a pause as the other two tried to come up with something witty.  
Clint beat Tony with a “Sir yes sir.”  
Tony of course, one-upped him with a “I love it when you order me around.”  
Steve ignored him. “If there’s nothing here, it’s possible that’s there’s stuff inside.” He nodded towards the building, and tapped his earpiece. “Black Widow, anything?”  
There was a pause and the crackle of the radio. “Nothing concrete.” There was another pause. “Whatever there was here…it’s pretty destroyed. But I think we can rule this out as an accident. This place was cleared out very efficiently.”  
Steve nodded to himself. “Anything worth salvaging?”  
“Not that I’ve seen so far. I’ve cleared the first two levels, and I’m not sure how stable the other levels are. There’s piles of metal though, but I’ll leave it for the techies.”  
“Regroup.” Steve told her, then cut the connection. He looked around again. “Tony, can you do something about the fires now?”  
Tony chuckled. “Time to test out my fire extinguisher upgrade.”  
He flew towards the closest fire. “JARVIS?”  
“Ready sir.”  
As Iron Man went about culling the fires, Steve turned to Clint. “Tell Coulson what’s going on.”  
Clint nodded. “What are you going to do?”  
Steve grinned at him. “I’m going to check that building. The way it’s going, it might not be here when the ‘techies’ arrive.”  
Clint grinned and reached to his headpiece. “Hey Phil…”  
Steve began running towards the building, using the stray pieces of metal as a ramp and launching himself into the third storey of the warehouse.  
Clint gave Phil a quick overview of the situation. “Should be back in time for tea,” he finished.  
“Good.” Phil replied.  
Clint laughed. “Don’t sound so glad.”  
He waited as Phil juggled his professionalism with his emotions.  
“Get back soon,” he finally said.  
Clint laughed again. “I’ll try my best.”  
“Try what?” Natasha asked as she snuck up next to him.  
Clint didn’t react. “Getting this over with.” He looked her over. “You okay?”  
 She didn’t bother dignifying it with a response.  
Tony soon joined them. “No more fires,” he clarified. He looked around. “Where’s…?”  
Clint gestured towards the building. “Went rogue on us.”  
Tony gave an exasperated look at the building. “JARVIS patch me to Steve.”  
“Patching you through.”  
“Steve?”  
“Tony.” He sounded a bit strained. “Bit busy at the moment.”  
“Need a lift?”  
“Not yet. I’m almost done. Might need a pickup in a few minutes though.”  
“I’ll keep to the sky then. What level you on?”  
With that, Tony flew off again.  
Clint watched him. “Ever think we should invest in some Iron Man suits?”  
Nat gave him a smile. “I’m good.”  
Clint sighed. “It’s just a bit unfair.”  
She followed the suit with her eyes. “Ask him for one then.”  
“He’d never let me live it down.” He grinned. “Besides, it’d hide my pretty face.”  
Natasha finally looked at him. “That’d be a shame.”  
“I know,” he moaned.  
There was an explosion and the two agents jumped to attention.  
“The building,” Natasha murmured.  
As one, they ran towards the collapsing building. Clint tried to contact the others. “Tony, Steve, you guys okay? Iron Man! Talk to me!”  
There was a silence, then, “Yeah, we’re fine.” The suit appeared suddenly, holding Steve in his arms. “This one wanted a longer look around, but I figured we shouldn’t leave you guys alone for too long.”  
Tony landed gently next to them, and let Steve down. “Aw, were you guys worried?”  
“Only about the intel that could now be lost.” Natasha told him.  
“Sorry,” Steve told her, rubbing his head.  
Natasha looked him over. “It’s fine,” she said abruptly.  
Tony pouted. “She likes you better.”  
“Everyone likes him better.” Clint informed him.  
Tony made an annoyed noise and looked around.  
“Sir,” JARVIS suddenly chimed in.  
“What is it JARVIS? I’m being bullied here.”  
“My condolences sir, but I thought you should know I’ve picked up a lifeform.”  
“What? Where?” He turned around, ignoring the looks from his group.  
JARVIS computed a route. “It is fading fast,” JARVIS warned as Tony followed it quickly.  
Tony stopped as the trail led off and began twisting his head to locate it.  
JARVIS zoomed in on the signature and Tony reached over and pulled a metal sheet away from the survivor.  
The body he found shocked him and he fell to the ground.  
A child, no more than eight….  
He reached over to it tenderly. It wasn’t moving.  
His hand touched the child’s skin.  
It stirred.  
Tony sighed and contacted the others. “Guys, I found something.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long delay guys! Thanks for the response though, especially just for a first chapter wow. 
> 
> Yeah, I ended up burning my hand four weeks ago (second degree burn yay!) and it blistered and everything and it wasn't pretty. Then I had uni assignments so.. yeah. Sorry. I only have one exam left, so I'll be able to keep up some semblance of continuity after that. 
> 
> Anyway,enjoy!!

The Avengers crowded around the child.   
“Should we…wake him?” Clint asked finally.   
Steve shot him a look. “This child just went through a traumatic event. In my experience we should let him rest as long as possible.”  
Clint rolled his eyes. “Ever since you adopted that kid…”   
Natasha hit his arm. “We should get him back to base.”  
“We have a base?” Tony asked, amused.  
“The helicarrier,” Natasha corrected herself.   
Before Tony could respond, Steve sighed. “If we could focus?”  
Tony looked at the boy. “Who wants to carry him?”  
The boy made a noise, rubbed his head and sat up. He blinked at the four superheros standing around him. “Ah…?”  
Steve knelt down next to him. ‘Hey.”  
“Hey?” He looked around. “What happened?” He blinked his brown eyes again.   
“There was an explosion,” Steve explained softly, making sure to keep eye contact.   
The boy frowned at the wreckage. “Oh.”  
Natasha lent down too. “Do you know where your parents are?”  
The boy’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “Gone.”  
“Gone?” Steve echoed.   
The boy looked down in shame. His eyes began to water.   
Steve put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay,” he told him. “Can you walk?”  
The boy nodded and jumped up.   
Steve gave him a smile and a nod. “Good job.”   
  
~  
  
“So, what’s the verdict?” Clint asked, sneaking up to kiss his lover on the cheek.   
Coulson shot him a smile, before looking back through the glass, where the medical team was doing a check-up on the survivor. “Nothing yet.” He shook his head and turned away to face the computer system. “Nothing on any front,” he added. “No salvageable tech. Hydra knows what it’s doing.”  
“Which is probably how it survived so long,” Tony pointed out from the other side of the room.   
“Cut off one head,” Natasha murmured.   
“Two more grow back, yes.” Coulson finished.   
From the table, Bruce sighed. “It would’ve been nice to have got _something._ ”  
Steve nodded. “But unfortunately Hydra isn’t exactly nice.”  
“We saved the kid,” Tony offered. “That’s something.”  
“How do we know the kid isn’t a Hydra spy?” Clint asked. “He got out of there without a scratch.”  
“In my experience, the best agents are children,” Natasha added.   
Steve frowned. “Let’s wait till the lab comes back before we start vilifying innocent children.”  
“ _Possibly_ innocent children,” Tony chimed back.   
Steve sighed. “Let’s wait till the lab comes back before we start vilifying _potentially_ innocent children,” he corrected himself with a glare at Tony.   
Tony smiled. “Just trying to keep it factual.”  
Steve scoffed.  
Bruce made a noise. “So this was all for nothing.”   
“Except the child,” Phil pointed out.  
“Who may or may not be a spy.”  
“I don’t see what you’re complaining about.” Tony cut in. “You got to stay here and watch.”  
Before Bruce could retort, Natasha added. “I’m not so sure the kid is a spy.”  
“You just said-” Tony began.  
“But he’s uninjured.” Natasha said, beginning to pace. “If you want a spy to be successful, you make him blend in. You don’t put them in a bombsite without any wounds, as that would only cause suspicion.”  
“Maybe they were being humane?” Bruce said. “The kid’s what? Ten?”  
Natasha and Steve swapped looks and Steve shook his head. “Hydra wouldn’t care about that. It is odd…”  
“Maybe it’s reverse psychology?” Tony offered. “Make us think it’s so suspicious that we trust it because it’s _too_ obvious?”   
Natasha bit her lip. “But why do that unless they were sure we’d have doubts anyway? If the kid had just _been_ there…” She shook her head. “Coulson’s right. We should wait for the lab.”  
“So the next question is… What do we do with him if he’s clean?” Tony reminded them.  
Phil frowned. “SHIELD will take care of it.”  
“Then we have no more obligations?” Steve asked. “I don’t know, it seems…”  
“Wrong?” Clint offered.  
“He was a bit clingy.” Tony informed Coulson. “Poor kid.”  
“We can take care of him,” Phil consoled them.   
Steve nodded but pulled a face.   
“It’s cos of that kid,” Clint complained again. “Ever since he adopted Peter…”  
Steve gave him a look.   
“No he’s always been this good,” Tony told them.  
Steve’s scowl deepened. “I’m just worried.”  
“What if he’s dirty?” Bruce interrupted. “Why haven’t we talked about that yet?”  
Phil swapped looks with Natasha. “SHIELD will take care of it.”  
Instantly the non-SHIELD agents froze and looked fearfully at the agent.  
Phil held up a hand. “I promise we’ll be… humane.”   
Clint gave them his winning smile. “Come on, would we do anything bad? We’re the good guys!”  
Natasha remained silent.   
The tension was broken when the doctors through the glass window stopped their movement.   
“I think they’ve found something,” Bruce commented dryly, as they went through a flurry of activity.   
The group moved towards the window. The doctors had _definitely_ found something.  
“Any idea what?” Tony asked.   
Bruce shook his head. “Not without getting closer.”  
“They’ll let us know when they’ve confirmed it.” Coulson said, as unfazed as ever.   
Tony shot him a look. “But will you tell us?”  
Coulson didn’t respond.   
They watched as one doctor raced out of the room, succeeded by the door to their room opening.   
The doctor panted slightly.   
“Report,” Coulson commanded.   
“The boy,” the doctor said. “He’s a mutant!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I ended up putting in a hint of my X-men OTP - ScottxLogan. Whoops?

There was a silence and the Avengers shared looks. The only noise in the room was the doctor’s heavy breathing.   
“I guess that settles where he’s going,” Tony said.   
Natasha nodded. “We’ll have to call in Professor Xavier.”  
There was another silence as they tried to figure out exactly how they felt about that.   
On one hand, Charles was interesting. On the other…he was a telepath.   
Tony and Steve were the only ones who weren’t completely put off by that fact.  
Coulson sighed. “Fury’s not going to like this.”  
They could only nod dumbly. 

xxx

Fury didn’t like it at all. The idea of a mutant being in a HYDRA zone was worrying to him, especially one that the doctors were calling ‘nigh immortal’. He was worried that HYDRA might be experimenting with mutants.   
There was also the idea of Xavier in general. He respected Xavier, of course. But he was a telepath, and telepaths were bad for the whole ‘spy’ business.   
Regardless, he contacted the X-Men and discussed the boy, setting up a meeting with Xavier. In the end, they ended up bringing the boy to a pre-chosen area.   
Tony had tried to lobby for a meeting at the school, but Xavier and Fury had both agreed that six Avengers walking around Xavier’s school would only bring trouble.   
Fury had made sure to cast Tony a look at that.   
Anyway, they had decided to meet in a restaurant. Tony rented out the entire venue.   
After a bit of discussion, it was decided that Tony, Clint and Steve should attend. Fury was sceptical about sending Tony, considering the weapons schematics and technology just lying around in his head, but Tony was insistent. No one else had wanted to go anyway. If it wasn’t for the child’s attachment to Clint, he wouldn’t have gone either. Steve had volunteered to go as well, considering he was the ‘team leader’, which Tony had laughed at.   
They met Xavier and Scott by the counter. “Couldn’t have picked something on ground level?” Scott asked them by way of greeting.   
Tony shook his head. “It’s worth the elevator trip,” he promised. “Some of the best food.”  
Charles ignored them, looking at the boy, who was clinging to Clint’s leg. They’d found out that the boy, who had eventually revealed his name was Wade, was very clingy.   
The boy jerked, and then relaxed. Though no words were spoken, it was clear they were having a conversation.   
“So how have you been?” Tony asked Scott.   
The other man shrugged. “Same as always.”  
“I see you’re wearing glasses. The VISOR not cool enough for you?”  
Scott smirked. “I see you’re wearing plain-clothes. Being a Transformer not fun enough for you?”   
Tony grinned back. “Only on week-ends.”  
“How’s Wolverine?” Steve asked, in his serious voice.  
The last time the Avengers and the X-Men had teamed up, Logan had been pretty badly hurt, though had insisted he’d be fine in a few days.   
“He’s fine.” Scott’s face lit up slightly as he reflected on his lover’s behaviour. “Back to drinking and scaring the children.”  
“He’s not that bad,” Xavier said, apparently having finished with his telepathy-conversation.   
Scott gave him a look. “He made Colossus cry.”   
Tony and Clint laughed, while Steve looked a bit disapproving.   
Charles waved his hand. “I believed someone mentioned something about food?”  
Tony grinned and bowed slightly, gesturing to their table in the center of the room. “After you.”  
Scott shook his head with a grin as the group migrated towards the table.   
After they were all seated, a couple of waiters and waitresses surged forward to meet them, obviously having been waiting for their conversation to finish so they could get on with it. After all, Tony had rented out the whole place.   
“Would you like to order some drinks?” asked one of the waiters.   
After they had ordered some drinks, they began talking. Tony and Steve retold the story of where they had found the boy, while Wade sat silently staring at Charles. Every so often Charles smiled or made some gesture towards the boy, which everyone else took to mean that Xavier was having two conversations. Even doing this, he still asked questions and kept up with the conversation easily with a skill that Tony was jealous of. The servers came back and handed out the drinks, and took their food orders.   
Charles began to ask questions about the doctor’s report. By the time the food had come they had exhausted all they knew about the boy and where he had been found. The conversation turned to more personal matters, and then into small talk. Xavier and Scott affirmed what Tony had said about the food. By the time they were ready to leave, Scott asked Wade if he’d like to see his bike. Wade cautiously agreed and they disappeared into the elevator. Charles sat up straighter and looked at the other three men.   
“He’s an interesting boy,” Charles told them.  
“Tell us something we don’t know,” Tony said.   
“He’s got a strong healing factor, but it’s less developed than Wolverine’s.”   
Clint made a noise. “He’s got us there,” he told Tony. “We didn’t know that.”  
Charles seemed to be considering something. “We can’t take him,” he said finally.   
“What?!” The three exclaimed.   
Charles paused a moment before he answered. “He’s a lot younger than what we normally take in…and he needs… a more personal touch than we usually provide.” He frowned. “He’s got a dark past, he needs a family to care for him.” He looked up. “He isn’t HYDRA. He doesn’t even know what that is.”  
“So what, you’re ditching him?”  
Charles shook his head. “We can’t take him in yet. In a few years…” He nodded. “He’ll have a place with us. If you can find someone to look after him, that’s the best way to go.”   
“Great,” Clint said.  
Xavier turned his gaze to him. “He seems fond of you.”  
Clint squirmed. “Uh..yeah.”  
“Have you thought of adopting?” Charles continued.  
Clint flushed. “What?”  
“Just a thought.” He looked at Tony. “Thanks for lunch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and now I have a tumblr for prompts and stuff - http://crimesofadeadpool.tumblr.com/


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, confession time. I lost my iPad. The one with all the story notes for this and my Cherik ballet!au. So I couldn't update either of them.  
> Plus my dad got into a car accident, (two accidents in the space of eight months) though it was nowhere near as bad as the life-threatening motorbike accident in April. But yeah, I sorta stopped writing around November completely, and without my iPad I couldn't update anyway. But I found it so yay updates!

“So you’re telling me that Xavier won’t take him?” Fury asked. Demanded really.  
“Well, he _is_ eight,” Clint said awkwardly.  
Fury shot him a look. “I don’t care if he’s a goddamn newborn. We were banking on Xavier.”  
“Surely SHIELD has a daycare system?” Tony mocked. “A place for all the little Nick Fury’s and Maria Hill’s of the world? Nap Time at 3, Covert Operations at 4?”  
Fury glared at him. Tony held up his hands in surrender.  
“How about you take him then, Stark?”  
Tony scoffed. “No way, José. We got enough troubles with Peter.”  
Steve folded his arms.  
“I mean,” Tony said quickly. “Our lovely, wonderful son whom I love so much.”  
Steve rolled his eyes. “You don’t have an agent to take him?” he asked Fury.  
“This isn’t exactly an everyday occurrence,” Coulson commented.  
“Pfft,” Tony said. “What’s ‘everyday’ for SHIELD?”  
“The usual,” Phil retorted. “Ancient curses, alien wars, mutant uprisings, end of the world stuff.”  
Tony laughed.  
Then there was silence.  
“I don’t suppose…I mean, it needs to be said, right? We _could_ _put him in the system.”_  
Nick shook his head immediately. “Too risky. The kid was in close proximation to a HYDRA base for who knows how long? I still find it…hard to believe… that a mutant kid with a healing factor just _happened_ _to be in the area. If they got his hands on him, they could’ve done stuff to his head. The kid could be a ticking time bomb for all we know, and I’d prefer to make sure that no civilians get caught in the crossfire.”_  
“Xavier said-” Steve chimed in.  
“Xavier doesn’t know everything.”  
“And agents?”  
“You think I have the ability to force an eight year old, possibly brainwashed child onto my agents?”  
“Yes,” Steve and Tony said in unison.  
“That may be, but I’d prefer to find a more stable solution.” He scowled. “We’ll keep him here till we can find something permanent. At least until Xavier can take him in.” He looked at the group assembled. “Dismissed.” 

~

“Phil wait,” Clint said as he jogged slightly to catch up to his boyfriend.  
Phil turned and waited, tapping his foot. “Yes?”  
Clint rolled his eyes and dragged Coulson into the closest empty room, wanting to dispose of faux professionalism.  
Though, when he found himself in the empty meeting room with just Phil and himself, he wasn’t quite sure where to start.  
“Are you okay?” Phil asked. “You were pretty quiet in the meeting.”  
Clint searched his face. “Do you want kids?” he finally blurted out.  
Phil blinked in surprise. “I haven’t really- Are you pregnant?”  
“What? No, how….” Clint asked, shocked. He shook his head. “No, it’s about that kid. Wade.”  
Phil frowned. “Why?”  
“It’s something Xavier said. About us. And Wade. And….”  
Phil tilted his head. “You…want to adopt?”  
“I don’t… I mean, we’re ready right? And I like him. Wade. I feel bad for him and…” He suddenly felt a bit overwhelmed. The thought of putting someone into the system. Another orphan on the street. He felt a hand on his arm.  
“They’re not going to let him get hurt.”  
Clint shook his head. “You think SHIELD cares about a single kid?”  
Phil frowned. “Okay, let’s not focus on that. Let’s focus on _us._ You think we can handle a child?”  
Clint nodded and shrugged. “If _Tony_ can do it.”  
Phil raised an eyebrow. “We’re not married, Clint.”  
“Is that a problem?” Clint replied confused.  
“I don’t know,” he leant against the table. “We couldn’t give that child a stable life.”  
“Wade’s a mutant who’s been basically burnt alive. He can’t _have_ a normal life. You heard what Fury said.”  
Phil looked down. “You’re an Avenger, I’m a spy, they’d use him-”  
“Healing factor.” Clint retorted. “And he’d be protected by SHIELD _and_ the Avengers. _And_ he’s a mutant. Xavier is willing to take him in a few years…”  
“It’s an emotional investment too Clint.”  
“I know. But…I sorta already like him. And I know you do too. And he likes us…”  
Phil gave him a look. “This seems… odd. This should be more…complicated.”  
Clint nodded and shrugged. “We could give it a test run?”  
“He isn’t a new car. We can’t take him on and ditch him. He’s a person.”  
“I’m not planning to ditch him.”  
“Lots of things have happened that we didn’t plan.”  
“Phil, I’m not going to argue with you. I just think we have a chance to help him and I really think it’d work.”  
Phil raised an eyebrow. Then he sighed. “I’ll tell Fury we’ll be willing to look after him for a while. Take him home. I’m _not_ agreeing to anything. This is temporary.”  
Clint grinned and leant in for a kiss. “I knew you’d see it my way.”

~  
  
Fury raised his eyebrow, looking over Coulson. “I must be getting old, because it sounded like you said you want to adopt our security threat.”  
Phil rolled his eyes. “It was Clint’s idea. Or Xavier’s.” He shook his head. “And I’m not adopting anyone. I’m not convinced that we could provide a stable life for any child, mutant or otherwise. But it _would_ solve our housing problem. Since our apartment is highest level security clearance. Clint and I would both be able to deal with any problems that arise with the child.”  
“You’d have to take time off.” Nick reminded him.  
Phil shrugged. “I know.” He looked down. “I think it could work.”  
Nick looked him over and sighed. “Agents Coulson and Barton looking after a kid. God help the boy.”


	5. Chapter 5

Coulson's fingers tightened reflexively on the steering wheel.  
His gaze darted to the rear view window, where Clint and Wade were snuggled up next to each other, laughing over something stupid on the iPad.  
"No way dude, Whampire is the best Ben 10 alien."  
"Alien X could kick Whampire's butt."  
The scene was just so...domestic. Clint and Wade had fallen into a comfortable, familiar relationship so quickly. Phil worried about it.  
Phil hadn't ruled out the theory of Wade being attached to HYDRA somehow. He'd hate if Clint got hurt over that kid.  
A kid. Not exactly what he'd been expecting from the mission. He should've known Clint would want to keep him. Clint had a soft spot for orphans.  
Phil had counted himself lucky that he'd managed to talk Clint out of adopting a thousand strays. Except the dog, of course, which Clint had teasingly called 'Lucky', as if it was Clint who was the lucky one, being able to keep one of his strays; that the dog was lucky he had caught Phil in a good mood.  
He turned into the driveway, pulling out the electronic remote to their gate and pressed it.  
The gate swung open and Phil continued to drive up to their three story house.  
Phil wasn't quite sure why it had three stories, but somehow it worked out nicely - Phil's study on the second floor, Clint's armoury in the basement, Phil's totally not embarrassing collection of Captain America memorabilia on the first floor, their shared bedroom on the second. A few more rooms full of this and that, and lots of empty space in between. It was nice, comfortable. Sometimes they needed space.  
So there'd be lots of space for the kid. They had several spare bedrooms, one for Natasha and Pepper when they stayed, another for Kate and America.  
They were very social for an unmarried superspy couple.  
Unmarried.  
The kid was definitely going to force the issue if he stayed. Phil still wasn’t sure how to approach it. Clint had a tendency to run when pressed.  
But if they were going to keep the kid...  
Maybe this was a bargaining point.  
Phil stopped the car and, after a pause, cleared his throat.  
The other two looked up.  
"Oh," Clint said non-chalantly. "We're here."  
"Whoa," Wade gasped, pressing his nose against the window of the car. "You live here?"  
Clint shrugged easily as he opened the car door. "Sometimes."  
Wade skipped out after him.  
Clint walked over to the driver window and tapped on the window, making Phil roll his eyes as he wound down the window. "Yes?"  
"I'm gonna take the kid inside."  
"That was the plan."  
"Good." Clint nodded amiably. "You put the car away."  
Phil scowled at him.  
  
XXX  
  
When Phil finally entered the house, Clint was dishing up ice cream at the counter. He grinned at Phil.  
"See? I'm not the only one who likes strawberry ice cream."  
"Strawberry ice cream is an abomination," Phil replied, petting Lucky on the head as he jumped up on his legs. Phil gave the kid a concerned look.  
Wade was looking a bit faint. "Are you sure I can stay here?"  
Clint shrugged. "I think we have some space in the basement."  
"Or one of the many spare bedrooms," Phil corrected.  
Wade ducked his head. "Are you sure?"  
Clint shot Phil a look, and Phil knew they'd lost. If this kid was an agent he was a damned skilled one. No way Clint was going to let him go now.  
"Come on, I'll show you the games room. Bring the ice cream, don't tell Phil. He's kind of a clean freak."  
"Since when do we have a games room?"  
"Last June, I redid the empty one at the end of the second floor. Tony kept bragging his house was better for it, thought I'd get in on the fun."  
Phil rubbed his head as the other two left. Clint had an obsessive habit of taking apart the house piece by piece and rebuilding it. It always ended up better, of course, but Phil worried about what it said about Clint's mental health, that he couldn't leave things be.  
While Clint and Wade went off to do whatever a kid and a child-like dork did in a games room, Phil went about setting up a room at the opposite end of the second floor. That way if the kid tried to sneak out, he'd have to cross the building, including passing the bedroom where Phil and Clint slept, and go down the booby trapped staircase(some steps carefully designed to creak loudly when stepped on), and through the first floor.  
Phil remade the bed, furnishing it with new sheets, checked to make sure there were towels and toilet paper in the ensuite. They'd have to buy him new clothes in the morning - there was a town two hours away that'd have something.  
Phil went back down to the front door to collect the bag with Wade's 'belongings', the few things SHIELD had provided for him while he was in their possession.  
  
XXX  
  
Phil knocked on the wall of the 'Games Room'. Clint paused the game, making Wade groan.  
"I was winning."  
"Were not," Clint retorted. He looked at Phil. _'Maybe a little bit_ ,' he signed.  
Phil shook his head fondly. "The bedroom's set up."  
"Oh good!" Clint said, jumping up and turning off the TV.  
"Hey!" Wade protested.  
"It's past your bedtime," Clint chided.  
"I don't have a bedtime. You just didn't want to lose to someone as awesome as me."  
"Keep telling yourself that kid," Clint retorted, slapping his leg to call Lucky off the couch.  
Wade grumbled and put down the controller. "Fine, but we’re having a rematch tomorrow."  
_'Never gonna happen,_ ' Clint signed to Phil as he entered the corridor. _'That kid is way too good.'_  
Phil sighed.  
  
XXX  
  
"This is a pretty adult room." Wade commented, after he'd gotten over the shock of having a room all to himself.  
"What do you mean?" Clint asked.  
"I think kids rooms are supposed to have like, toys and posters and stuff."  
Clint blew out some air. "We didn't really design the house with kids in mind."  
Wade shrugged. "Maybe you should think about it next time. Throw in a few treehouses."  
"You're like ten. I'm not taking decorating advice from you."  
"Your loss." Wade sat on the bed nervously.  
Clint could see what he meant though, the bed looked far too big for the kid. He shook his head. "Were going to town tomorrow, you can get posters or whatever then."  
Wade gave him a hopeful smile.  
  
XXX  
  
"Wade asleep?" Phil asked as Clint crawled into bed next to him.  
"I don't know, he might still be a little star struck. Poor kid."  
Phil kissed him on the head. "It’ll be fine Clint."  
"Will it?"  
Phil sighed. "Go to sleep. You've had a long day."  
Clint pouted. "And here I was hoping to get in some loving now the kid’s asleep."  
"Get in some loving." Phil repeated emotionlessly.  
"You love it." Clint retorted, pulling him in for a proper kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What was that? AmeriKate? Deaf!Clint?? Lucky the dog??? Yeah I'm a dork, so sue me. 
> 
> Fun fact: Whampire is the best Ben 10 alien.
> 
> Also, I've uh, started asking for prompts on my [ here.](crimesofadeadpool.tumblr.com>tumblr</a>.%20I've%20been%20trying%20to%20practise%20my%20skills%20by%20doing%20a%20bunch%20of%20Marvel%20related%20oneshots,%20so%20you%20know,%20if%20you%20have%20any%20prompts,%20that'd%20be%20really%20appreciated.%20So%20far,%20I've%20only%20got%20Spideypool%20ones...%20you%20can%20read%20them<a%20href=) It's been helping though, the reason I wrote this new chapter is cos I found a new way of writing which helps me work through my unfocussedness of these early chapters.... so...yeah. Please, if you have prompts...send them my way...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gasp* Two updates within a week of each other??? 
> 
> Don't get used to it guys, it's assignment week at uni this week. But yeah, the method I use to write now is way more effective than my old one. 
> 
> Also, montage-styled shopping trip!!! So we're like two chapters from Peter and Wade meeting, and I swear that chapter won't be snapshopped like this one.

Phil parked the car in the mall parking lot.  
He turned to Clint.  
"Bathroom first," Clint declared, stretching.  
Phil frowned, and Clint tossed his head back to the kid, who was shifting nervously.  
Well, they had been driving for two hours, he supposed. He did some mental rearranging in his head. "I'll take him. You get what you need from the hardware store. Meet at the food court?"  
Clint practically jumped out of the car. "See you guys later."  
Phil watched him go, fearful for whatever new project had caught Clint's eye. Then he noticed Wade still squirming in the backseat. "Come on," he said as he got out of the car. "I'm sure Clint won't cause too much damage."  
  
XXX  
  
Wade wolfed down another cheeseburger.  
Phil had doubted him when he said he could eat five cheeseburgers, but Wade was quickly proving him wrong.  
"Hey baby." Clint's lips brushed the back of Phil's neck.  
Phil turned to face him and raised an eyebrow at the bags Clint was carrying. "Should I be worried?"  
Clint shrugged and gave him an innocent look. "I have no idea what you mean." He lifted the bags. "I'll go put this in the car, then we can get to the other stuff."  
Clint returned a few minutes later, sliding onto the bench next to Phil.  
"Did you get me food?" he said in a whining voice.  
Phil pushed a paper bag towards him and Clint eagerly dug in.  
"Clothes are the most important thing," Phil began as they ate. "So we'll head to a clothes shop first, grab a few outfits. And shoes, I think there's a children's shoe shop on the second level." He tapped his fingers on the table. "We also need groceries, but we’ll do that last. I need to do some errands so-"  
"I promised Wade we'd get posters so we can do that while you're 'running errands'," Clint chimed in.  
Wade nodded happily, his mouth full.  
  
XXX  
  
Clint tossed a few more random pants into the trolley. Phil raised an eyebrow.  
"They're all the same anyway," Clint complained.  
Phil shook his head as Wade came back with an armful of clothes. "Are these okay?" He was blushing slightly.  
Phil waved a hand. "As long as they fit, apparently."  
Wade dropped his pile in the trolley, and looked through the rest of the stuff. "Pants are all the same anyway, really."  
Clint grinned and hi-fived him.  
  
XXX  
  
"I'm going to check for some-"  
"Ties, I know," Clint interrupted. "What's new?"  
“I’ll meet you near the check-out in ten.”  
Clint nodded. “We’ll meet you there.”  
  
XXX  
  
Clint turned.  
Wade had stopped in front of the girls clothes section, and was gazing almost longingly at a sequined tank top. Clint frowned and walked back to him. "Want it?"  
Wade startled. "What, no I..." he flushed. “Yeah, kinda."  
Clint shrugged and grabbed one of them off the rack. He looked at his watch. "We’ve still got time before Phil comes back, if you want to look around here," he offered.  
The grin Wade gave him was definitely worth the extra $800.  
  
XXX

  
Phil didn’t comment on the new additions to their shopping.  
“Get anything good?”  
Phil gave him a smile. “All ties are good.”  
Clint gave him an exasperated look. “Are we going back to the car?”  
“It’d make more sense to go past the shoe shop first.”  
“With all these bags?” Clint waved his arms hopelessly, each arm weighed down by bags full of clothes.  
“You’re the one who decided to double the amount of clothes when I left for ten minutes.”  
Clint stuck out his tongue.  
  
XXX  
  
“Four pairs,” Phil told Wade as they entered the shoe shop, moving to a seat and dropping the bags. “At least one pair of sneakers, one pair of nice shoes as well.”  
Clint placed the bags next to Phil and kissed him on the forehead. “You rest your feet,” he teased. Phil swatted him away.  
  
XXX  
  
Wade cast a glance at the high heeled shoes.  
“Definitely not,” Clint cut in.  
Wade gave him a look. “I was just looking.”  
“And I’m telling you no,” Clint replied as he moved towards the kids section. He waved his hands. “Sneakers. Pick two pairs.”  
Wade stepped forward and examined the shoes.  
“Can I help you with something?” came a perky female voice.  
Clint looked over at her. “We’re looking for some shoes for him.” He waved a hand at Wade.  
The girl nodded. “Have you got his size?”  
“Yeah.” They’d done it before they’d left the house.  
“I want these ones.” Wade declared, pulling a pink pair off the shelf.  
“Okay,” Clint said with a shrug. “But you’ll need to pick out another one.”  
“Those are girls shoes,” the store assistant said with a frown.  
Wade’s shoulders dropped. “Oh, right, yeah.” He began to place them back.  
Clint scowled. “And they’re going to go great with the clothes we just got him.”  
The girl blinked startled. “Okay.” She walked away.  
Clint shook his head, and realised Wade was looking at him.  
“So I _can_ get them?”  
“I already said yes,” Clint replied annoyed.  
Wade nodded dumbly and picked out another pair, a black one. “Phil said he wanted us to get me nice shoes. What are nice shoes?”  
“Whatever passes for dress shoes in kid world.”  
  
XXX  
  
“So many bags.” Clint complained as he placed the bags in the back of the car.  
Phil watched him with an amused look. “You bought him ten pairs of shoes.”  
“I can’t help it. The kid has puppy eyes.”  
“You’re just a pushover.”  
“Where are we going next?” Wade chimed in.  
Clint and Phil swapped looks.  
“I’ve got errands.”  
“We’re going to the games shop, pick out a few posters and stuff. Toy shop. Bathroom. Then we’ll all go grocery shopping.”  
“Don’t go overboard,” Phil warned him as he strolled away.  
Clint scowled at his back.  
  
XXX  
  
“Shitshitshitshitshit,” Clint muttered under his breath.  
He had gone overboard.  
_Waayyyyy_ overboard.  
He was so glad being a spy paid well. He pushed against the boot door a few times, till it shut. The boot was full. The backseat was covered in bags too. The car had enough stuff in it to open its own store. Thank god the windows were tinted and no one could see how badly Clint had screwed up.  
“I think you went overboard.” Wade told him.  
“I know, I know!” He ran a hand through his hair. “What do you think are the chances he won’t look in the back?”  
“Not good. Don’t we still have to get groceries?”  
Clint swore again.  
Wade blinked at him.  
“You didn’t hear that.”  
“Hear what?”  
“Good boy.” He leant against the car. “I mean, to be _fair_ we’re _basically_ having to supply a lifetime of stuff to you, so it makes sense that there’d be a lot of it.”  
“He’s not going to buy that.”  
“I know.” Clint’s phone buzzed. He groaned. “He’s outside the food shop now.”  
Wade gave him a sympathetic look.  
  
XXX  
  
“Hey baby,” Clint said as they walked up to him.  
“You okay?” Phil asked. Clint looked a bit flustered.  
“Sure.”  
Phil raised an eyebrow. “Okay.”  
  
XXX  
  
“What types of food do you like?” Phil asked as he dropped some bread into their trolley.  
Wade thought about it. “Chocolate.”  
Phil sighed.  
“Sounds good to me,” Clint said, and dashed off.  
Phil looked at Wade. “Are you sure something didn’t happen?”  
Wade whistled non-chalantly.  
Before Phil could interrogate him further, a woman laughed. Phil looked at her questioningly.  
“Your son’s very cute,” she told him.  
“Oh,” Phil said and flushed. “Uh… thank you.”  
The woman grinned at him. “No problem.” She strolled away.  
Wade looked at him sheepishly. Phil smiled at him.  
_His son._  
This might actually work.  
“What’s up?” Clint said, returning from his little trip.  
“Huh?”  
“You’re grinning like a madman.”  
“Just thinking.” Phil said.  
“Mmm?”  
“You overdid it, didn’t you?”  
Clint gave him a terrified look. “Who told you?” He looked at Wade. "Betrayal!"  
"It wasn't me!" Wade declared.  
Phil chuckled as Clint and Wade began arguing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little transvestite Wade is what I live for~  
> Also, Clint being an over-provider. It's all great.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a new chapter? TWO IN ONE DAY?!?!? Shhh, yes I'm awesome, I know. Yeah, cos I've actually close to the plot now, so that's great.

Wade was settling in nicely.  
Of course, the room was now smothered in stuff. It had lost its ‘adult’ feel and gone straight to ‘junkyard’.  
Phil couldn’t be bothered chiding him.  
Clint had disappeared, working on whatever it was he was working on. Every night Clint crawled into bed exhausted, but refused to admit what he was working on.  
So, with Clint pretty much out of the picture, Phil and Wade fell into a sort of routine.  
Phil woke up at dawn, and did some work in his study until Wade woke up, usually around midday, and Phil cooked the both of them breakfast. And then they…hung out.  
Phil was introducing Wade to Captain America. Wade had jumped on the topic after Phil had, finally, shown Wade his Captain America memorabilia and they had begun watching all the old tv shows.  
Clint snuck in every so often to proclaim them dorks, pointing out they’d all met the _real_ Captain America. Phil had thrown his pillow at him.  
Phil had also been researching schools in the area. If Xavier wasn’t taking him for a few years, they’d have to school him somehow. Clint had suggested homeschooling, but Phil wasn’t sure if that was quite the way to go. Then again, as Clint had pointed out, between the Avengers they pretty much had everything covered.  
“Maybe ask Tony what he’s doing with Peter,” had been the final note on the subject.  
  
Wade was feeling more comfortable around them too.  
He was laughing more, and wearing more of those skirts that Clint had bought him. He still looked a bit nervous every time he came out in a new outfit, but Phil made sure to be only positive.  
In the nights he and Clint wondered what had destroyed his self-confidence like that, for a kid who could survive a bombing he was terrified of how they were going to react wearing a dress. Clint had shrugged it off, in a the-world-is-harsh-for-orphans sort of way, but Phil noticed him complimenting Wade every time he saw him.  
  
The whole thing was…odd. How easily they had integrated Wade into their life.  
Wade fit in. He and Phil shared their love of superheros, Clint and Wade shared their love of awful jokes, video games and excessive sweets.  
  
It had been almost a two months, and it was _working._  
They hadn’t been out of the house much. Fury had taken them both off the active list. He’d stopped by twice so far, for updates. Phil told him the same thing both times. Wade hadn’t shown any signs of rebellion, or brainwashing, or anything HYDRA related. He was acting like a normal kid.  
And both times Fury had reminded him that Wade _wasn’t_ a normal kid, he was a mutant and a suspect in a HYRDRA bombing. Not to get attached.  
Phil didn’t want to admit he already was.  
Nick knew though. He always knew.  
Phil was just grateful Fury hadn’t decided to take him away because of a confliction of interests.  
  
“Morning dorks,” Clint chimed, coming downstairs to the kitchen.  
Phil rolled his eyes as he flipped the pancake. “You’ve already used that line.”  
“Stick to the classics right?” He sat down across from Wade at the table. “Nice top.”  
Wade looked up shyly. “Phil bought it for me last week.”  
“Yeah I figured what with the Captain America on it.” He gave Phil’s back a hurt look. “Cos apparently I’m not cool enough to be on your t-shirt.”  
Phil placed the final pancake on the plate. “They don’t sell Hawkeye t-shirts in kids sizes.” He gave Clint a mischievous look. “Mostly for your female fans, I think.”  
Clint ran a hand through his hair. “I am devilishly attractive.”  
Wade tried to smother a laugh, and Clint gave him a hurt look as Phil placed the pancakes between them.  
“I am attractive,” Clint protested.  
“Of course you are,” Phil assured him as he sat down next to him.  
“Not as attractive as Captain America,” Wade sang.  
Clint gave Phil a desperate look, and saw him hesitating.  
Clint slumped. “And here I was, going to show you my new project.”  
Wade perked up. “It’s done?”  
“Yep.”  
“Are you going to tell us what it was?” Phil asked dryly.  
“Nope.” He folded his arms. “I’m hurt.”  
“I’msorry,” Wade blurted.  
“Hmmph,” Clint replied.  
There was a silence and Wade turned his puppy eyes to Phil.  
Phil sighed. “Fine. You’re just as attractive as Captain America.”  
Clint didn’t respond.  
“Maybe more,” Phil conceded.  
Clint grinned at him. “I’ll take it.”  
  
XXX  
  
“Are your eyes closed?” Clint buzzed.  
Phil put a hand on his hip. “No.”  
“Yes!” Wade’s hands were over his eyes.  
“Good enough,” Clint said as he threw open the door.  
“Oooh,” Wade gasped as he walked in.  
Clint scratched at his neck. “Yeah, I mean, you were right, you know, before, about your room being too adult. Not that we’re kicking you out of that room! Cos I get that you might have settled in there, but I figured you should have a proper room too and so I…yeah.”  
Wade stepped forward, looking around.  
Phil slid next to Clint. “Did you knock through that wall?”  
Clint shrugged. “A few years back actually, just never did anything with it.”  
Phil kissed him. “It’s fantastic.”  
And it was.  
The room had been repainted, refurnished, completely redone. What used to be two empty rooms had been remade into a proper bedroom, clad with Captain America posters.  
“For me?” Wade asked.  
“No I was getting sick of Phil taking up all the space in my bed.”  
Phil elbowed him in the stomach and Clint had the good graces to pretend it had hurt.  
“Yes, for you,” Phil told him.  
“Oh.”  
“Yep.” Clint said. “Want me to show you around?”  
Wade nodded.  
Clint flourished his hand, and began circling the room, noting all the features he had added in. Phil leant against the doorway and watched with a small smile.  
This was what a family was supposed to be.  
A family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohmygosh, so I've sort of hooked on the transvestite thing. (Maybe it's cos I'm trans? Idk) I just like Clint and Phil be reassuring and everything.   
> Anyway, next chapter Wade and Peter meet!!!! Yay~


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *non-chalant whistle* okay so apparently I caught the writing bug cos this is the third chapter today. It's currently 3am, I have five and a half hours before I have to get up and go to uni, and then a psychiatrist appointment and then dinner with friends, but here I am writing cute kid!Deadpool meeting kid!Spider-Man and you should all appreciate me and my writing-bug-that's-forcing-me-to-write-instead-of-sleeping thing.

Phil gave Clint a half-smile as he entered their ensuite. He had been brushing his teeth, so spat into the sink before asking, “What are you doing?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“You look like you’re about to jump out of your skin.”  
“Well,” Clint said. “After all, this is sort of like our coming out party right?”  
They were finally going back to New York. Nothing dangerous, just a superheros get-together. Avengers, Fantastic Four, X-Men, ect ect. There were a lot of superhero groups nowadays. Natasha complained they’d been away too long, that she was having to hang around Stark instead and that she was constantly two seconds away from strangling him.  
“No?”  
Clint gave him a look. “Like as a family…thing. A thing. All three of us.”  
“Oh.”  
“And we have to out-thing Tony.”  
“Out-thing Tony.”  
“Yeah. Wade’s cuter than Peter right?”  
“You want to out-thing Tony.”  
“That’s what I’m saying.”  
“You do realise Tony is _married._ ”  
“Marriage has nothing to do with families. _Things.”_ He corrected himself.  
“He’s married to Captain America.”  
“Yeah, yeah, and he’s the icon for happy 2.5 kid families, I know. But I think Wade can out cute them.”  
Phil scratched at his head. “Right. Have you told Tony you’re going to…out-thing him?”  
Clint shook his head. “I want him to realise it himself.”  
“Right.”  
Clint nodded to himself. “I just thought you should know.”  
“Right.”  
Clint wandered out of the bathroom again.  
  
XXX  


“Put on your best outfit,” Clint told Wade. “We need to beat Tony.”  
“Beat him at what?”  
Clint shook his head and put a finger on his lips. “Get dressed.”  
Wade blinked and went off to do as he was bid.  
Phil entered the room, fixing his cufflinks. Clint whistled.  
Phil shook his head. “Every time.”  
“I’ll stop as soon as you stop looking so sexy in a suit.”  
Phil walked over to tug at Clint’s hair. “You going to get dressed up too.”  
Clint looked down as his clothes. “This _is_ dressed up.”  
Phil heaved out a breath.  
“Come on, I know you like me in jeans just as much as you like me in a suit.”  
Before Phil could retort, there was a timid cough.  
“Is this okay?” Wade asked, pulling at his skirt awkwardly. His skirt was knee-length and pink, and he was wearing a blue top complemented by a reddish jacket.  
The two men looked at him.  
“Cos you said best outfit. And…and…I can change.”  
“Phil,” Clint said.  
“Yeah?”  
“We’re totally going to win.”  
  
XXX  
  
“Ah, look who finally decided to turn up!” Tony greeted them as they entered the party. He grinned at Wade. “Hey kid.”  
“Hi. We’re going to beat you.”  
Tony frowned and looked at Clint questioningly.  
“Kids say the darndest things, huh?” Clint said hurriedly, pushing Wade forward into the party.  
“Ri-ght,” Tony replied. He looked at Phil. “Agent.”  
“Stark.”  
“How’s family life?”  
“Interesting. You?”  
Tony’s grin deepened. “Peter is the most adorable thing to ever walk this earth,” he informed him.  
Phil laughed. “Have you seen Wade?”  
Tony shook his head. “Agree to disagree. I’ve seen Peter read out one of my papers. That pretty much tops everything I’ve ever seen.”  
Phil smiled.  
“Phil!” Pepper called from across the room, waving him over.  
  
XXX  
  
“Hey Steve,” Clint said as he approached the man. Wade’s hand tightened on his. “You remember Wade.”  
“Clint,” he nodded. He gave Wade a smile. “Wade.”  
Wade flushed. “Uh…”  
“Phil’s been making him watch those old Captain America shows.”  
“Oh,” Steve said and flushed slightly. “Right. Those.”  
“Yeah, he’s really enjoying them.”  
“You’remoreattractivethanClint.” Wade blurted out.  
Steve blushed deeper. “Oh. Uh thanks.”  
Clint laughed and petted Wade’s hair.  
Steve gave Clint a suspicious look. “Should I be worried?”  
Clint shrugged. “Just teaching him attractiveness rankings.”  
“Right.” Steve’s gaze searched the room and he nodded to a corner. “Peter’s over there.”  
“Wade hasn’t met Peter yet,” Clint mused. “Come on Wade,” he retook Wade’s hand. “Let’s go meet the neighbours.”  
Steve laughed as they walked away.  
  
“Peter, Wade. Wade, Peter.” Clint introduced the two of them.  
Peter looked up from his book. “Hi.”  
“Hey,” Wade said, mouth dry.  
Clint nodded to himself. “Okay, I have to go apologise to Aunty Nat for not being here these past few months. Hopefully she won’t kill me.” He petted Wade on his head again and disappeared into the crowd.  
Wade pulled at his skirt.  
“You’re wearing a skirt,” Peter commented as he put down his book.  
Wade flushed. “Y-yeah.”  
Peter looked him over. “Okay.”  
“Okay?”  
Peter shrugged. “It looks good.”  
Wade smiled.  
  
XXX  
  
“So your dad is Captain America?”  
Peter nodded. Then shook his head. “Not really…my parents died.”  
“So did mine,” Wade confided. “Pretty cool that you live with Captain America now though.”  
Peter gave him a small grin. “Yeah it is. And Iron Man,” he added.  
“I don’t think Clint likes Iron Man much.”  
“I think they just pretend not to like each other.”  
“Oh.”  
“Why don’t you call them your dads?”  
Wade blinked. “I don’t think they are. They’re just looking after me.”  
Peter frowned. “Dad said they were ad-adopting you.” Peter stumbled over the word.  
Wade’s mouth dropped. “I uh… I don’t think…I mean… they might…”  
“I dunno, my dad’s pretty smart.”  
Wade looked around awkwardly. “Oh.” He hummed. “Have you seen the Captain America tv show?”  
“There’s a Captain America tv show?” Peter gasped.  
Wade nodded knowingly, glad to be back on familiar grounds. “It’s great. Phil and I watch it all the time.”  
Peter’s eyes widened. “Is it good?”  
Wade wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “It’s _great.”_  
  
XXX  
  
“So what are you going to do about Peter’s schooling?” Phil asked Steve curiously.  
Steve scratched at the back of his head. “I think JARVIS and Tony are cooking up a program.” He gave Phil a curious look. “You thinking about school for Wade?”  
Phil shrugged. “We’re not sure.”  
“I can talk to Tony about it, I’m sure he can fit something in.”  
“So he’s going to be home-schooled?”  
“No, we’re trying normal schooling, but it’s just…” he waved his hand. “Difficult. With us being his parents. He’s going to be a target, but it’s not fair to Peter to take him out of school. He goes to an elementary school near here at the moment, but we’re still working on the security. Unfortunately, word has got out about Peter being adopted by us. He’s a target,” Steve repeated. He looked over to where Wade and Peter were talking. “He seems to like Wade though.”  
Phil gave Wade a fond smile. “Wade’s very charismatic.”  
“So I noticed.” He hesitated. “The skirt?”  
Phil shrugged. “He seems to like them.”  
Steve nodded. “Okay.” He frowned. “Have you been telling him that I’m more attractive than Clint?”  
“What?” Phil asked, turning red and looking away. “Um, I better check on Clint. Good night Steve.”  
Steve laughed as Agent Phil Coulson turned tail and ran away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, either the next chapter, or the one after that will be a mini-montage leading from their childhood into them being teens, so you know.. watch out for that. 
> 
> Um, as always, I have a [tumblr](crimesofadeadpool.tumblr.com) if you wish to try and coerce me into writing more fics instead of doing uni work (what do you mean I do that anyway? I'm a very respectable student geez) or you know, just chat about spideypool and marvel in general...


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~ So yeah, I got an anon from tumblr ah.. asking me to stop doing my homework (in this case two assignments but whatever I wasn't going to get them done in time anyway) and continue this story.  
> Also, I properly planned out this story now, so yay~   
> Anyway, yeah, this is the shorter montage chapter I promised. I know it's kinda sucky, but they're teenagers now!!! So I can start the actual relationship~ Bear with me guys.

The adoption papers went through. Wade was officially a Coulson-Barton. Barton-Coulson. The point was made moot after a while, when Phil finally decided he’d waited long enough, and proposed to Clint.   
They’d had their wedding in the fall.   
  
They’d put Wade into school with Peter. There had been issues of course, bullying from both students and teachers, but the Avengers had set them straight. Captain America and the Hulk turning up to pick up the two boys had definitely given them a certain reputation around the place. Not that Wade had really minded the bullying, as long as Peter said nice things about his clothes, the other kids could get screwed. (Phil had had a stern talking to him after Wade had told him that, but generally agreed with the sentiment).   
  
Wade adored Peter completely. They were practically inseparable. Their parents weren’t really sure how they’d become so close, Peter being the science-loving obedient boy, Wade the rebel who seemed to live to get in trouble. In the end they pinned it down to being in a unique situation, both of them orphans adopted by Avengers. That had to shape a person. That was it. Definitely, 100%.   
Besides, they fought like cat and dog sometimes.

In fact, they’d almost forgotten about Xavier, about the mutants. Wade’s power rarely came into play at all, only for a few scratches, a broken arm here or there when he’d done something stupid.   
  
Until Logan had turned up at their door.   
  
There had been confusion at first. Did Wade really need to go to Xavier’s school? Wasn’t he fine as is? But the Coulsons had sat down and talked about it, as families do, and decided. At least he should try it. Wade _was_ a mutant, even though his powers were passive.   
  
Wade had agreed. One word about the Danger Room and he was sold.   
It wasn’t till he’d told Peter that he realised what he’d signed up for, when Peter had crumbled slightly. “So I won’t see you for a few months?”  
  
But Wade had made a commitment. “I mean, I’ll still be in New York. And one of the teachers is a teleporter and you can always steal an Iron Man suit from your dad and fly to see me, it’ll be great.”   
Peter had nodded sadly.   
  
Despite the somewhat upsetting beginning into the school year, the mutant school really truly was all Wade could ever hope for. A place where he didn’t even rank in the top hundred of weirdness, where him wearing a skirt wasn’t even a problem. In general, mutants had been discriminated against to the point where they would never inflict that sort of punishment on someone else.   
Wade had found a place to call home.   
  
He missed Peter though, called him every night, skyped, even emailed (which drove Peter to despair with Wade’s bad spelling – “For god’s sake Wade, you must know how to spell your own name, you’re sixteen!!”). It wasn’t what they were used to, but they adjusted.   
  
They both started dating. Peter tried girls, Gwen Stacy and MJ, but quickly figured out that that wasn’t what he was in to. Wade tried everything, and found that he was definitely attracted to everyone.   
  
Wade also found that he was happier in the Xavier school. He graduated a few years later, and Peter followed him a year later.   
  
They were free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who feel cheated on the Clint/Phil marriage, and the snapshots of Wade growing up and everything, I was thinking, I'm probably going to go and add in some side stories, like the wedding and a few kid!fics, after I finish this story. You know, turn it into a series, maybe add in a prequel focussing on Peter's adoption or Wade's biological family life and how he ended up in the junkyard in the first place, maybe some Wade-when-he-was-in-SHIELDs-care. Idk. That'll happen after this story has finished though, so like don't get too concerned about it. I just wanted you to know that I'm definitely going to write the Clint/Phil marriage in another story. Because obviously that's the important thing. Wade as a flower girl, Peter as the ring bearer, Nat as the best man. Or Fury as the best man and Nat walking Clint down the aisle. So yes. Look forward to that. But not too excited. Cos like, I want to finish this first. Yes.


End file.
